Conformity Magnet Pulls and Repels the Individual

By Broadside Opinion Columnist Brandon Cosby

As a society, we're taught to cherish our own individuality and love our unique personal identity. From childhood, we're shoveled clumsy platitudes about how the world would be so much more boring if everyone in it were the same.

Now, while I'm not advocating some sort of groupthink or demanding that we all conform to nonsensical standard, I do believe that there is a modicum of comfort to be had in conformity and trends. Belonging is important, and as people, we should learn to embrace a dash of similarity, if only for our own sake.

In my previous column I stated, perhaps with a bit of melodrama, that the world is a large and scary place. While it is true that it is frightening, most will learn to persevere. We will charge forward, many without the aid of others, but a helping hand couldn’t hurt. No, I do not suggest that we all look up to a higher power. Instead, however, I'd think we'd be better off looking down to our shoes.

I know I may be ridiculed for such a thought, but in my defense, we already see it constantly. As a culture, Americans place tremendous value in trends and fads. No more evident is it than in fashion. With magazines and endless blogs that keep a constant check on who's wearing what and when, our hungry eyes slurp up every last drop of celebrity sightings and seasonal preview we can find.

Several weeks out of the year, our attention darts to different parts of the world, transfixed on fashion weeks across Europe and New York. We do this precisely so we can emulate. We are curious to see what others in high esteem are wearing and we apply it to ourselves. But why?

It's not for vanity or simply to "look good." While it certainly may help that most of these fashion idols are impeccably dressed, we do it for a much more primal reason. We move as a collective consciousness toward a common idea of what is "good" and "acceptable," and then we embrace it so we can belong.

We begin to wear long skirts one year and short ones the next. We slap on ridiculous items like Zubaz pants and Ugg boots, things that may normally offend practical taste but come at us as trends, thus making them more acceptable.
We do this because, as human beings, we do not want to be alone.

Yes, we want our individuality and there is nothing more cherished in life than just that, but we also want to feel as if we belong. We want a reason to think we are not alone and being able to look over to a friend and see something similar on their body may present a bit of odd comfort in a daunting world.

I do not wish for people to think these ideas as fascist or decrying individualism as silly; in fact, I couldn't feel more the opposite. My individuality, the way I act, the way I think, the way I feel and, yes, even what I wear, is tremendously important to me in defining myself as a separate person among people. It is human nature to grab onto a sense of self-purpose, and we should not think it wrong.

However, it is also human nature to feel the need to belong, and we should not fight this either. We need a delicate balance between who we are as separate people and who we are as a collective people. I just hope that we do not rule one out because it is unpopular or uneasy to accept.

It is almost as disturbing for me to hear people profess the paramount need for unbridled individuality as it is to hear a demand for untainted conformity. We are all special little pretty flowers, yes, but making individuality the end all be all excludes the equally important need for conformity.

We should not all be alike, but we should also not push through some extreme idea of self at the cost of our own emotional stability. Our person cries for something more, an idea of community, and eliminating that is certainly not helpful.

There is a strong magnet in the promise of company. This magnet pulls us towards trends and ideas that we can all share. Yet, we as people simultaneously pull away, asserting our own personal identity and individuality.

It's a strange dance, to be sure, but it is unavoidable. Being human is as much about self as it is community, and we should never discount either.